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People my brother is dating a psycho

Dating advice coming from me is like a Kardashian speaking at a convention on poverty.
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As a side note, this could be a very general piece.

Most of what I’m about to say isn’t anything limited to just cis men dating trans men like me- it could just as easily apply to people of any gender identity and/or persuasion who want to date trans women or non-binary people. Basically, if your would-be date has any reason to fear for his safety and/or chances of coming home tonight just by replying back to your message, you’re doing something wrong. But if you’re new to the concept, it’s anyone who specifically pursues someone for a particular trait. I can already hear what a lot of y’all are already saying: “Well, I’d love it if someone wanted me for my dad bod.” But here’s the thing.

His blog , which is up at his website ( is also a wonderful place to learn about the basics of what being trans is like. And, of course, how trans men relate to their bodies and what they want their bodies to look like/do is just as personal as transitioning is. Unfortunately for me, he also expected his partners to all look the same- no top surgery and no bottom surgery.

Remember how I was talking about how personal transition can be? Say you’re in a relationship with a trans man and he’s considering top and/or bottom surgery. When I first started dating my ex, I hadn’t been out as trans for very long. Whenever I would bring up the idea of getting top surgery, even though my chest was something that made me uncomfortable and dysphoric, he’d complain that I was being “unfair” to him because I was “sadistically chopping off something” he “loved and played with”.

I can’t say I regret it, though sometimes I wonder if now, after being on T for about a year, that I look less like pedophile bait if I’ll finally start to attract guys who aren’t on watch lists.

If I don’t date, why bother writing an article like this? I’m willing to bet that at least some of you, if you’re taking time out of your day to read this particular column, are a) single, b) on some kind of dating/hook-up app, whether that be Tinder or Grindr and c) interested in dating someone trans.

If you’re interested in a trans partner, whether as a hook-up or a long-term beau, let me just get this out of the way: don’t be like those 99% of the guys who used to message me on Grindr and similar apps (i.e.

Your partner, on the other hand, acts like it’s the only thing important about you.If you do fall into that 99% or you’re a 1%-er who wants to avoid falling into that 99%, this column is dedicated to you.I want to help you learn how to be cool to your trans partners without being what we here in the trans community call a chaser (but I’ll get to that in a moment).It’s normal and okay to wonder how things will change in your relationship. Demanding that he not look into either because you think his body should look and act a certain way. In fact, I was pre-T, pre-op, and pre-even legally changing my documentation. When I mentioned potentially getting phalloplasty, he would Google it and deliberately find photos of early-stage healing results.If you’re not familiar with phalloplasty, which involves constructing a penis, the procedure involves multiple surgeries.But with that being said, I really do hope you take these pointers to heart. Dating while trans (and perpetually baby-faced) is an exercise in the macabre. Imagine if you dated someone who specifically chased after men who had dad bods.